Well today, I have lost everything.
Let me start from the beginning. I actually recently realised that I have loved only once in my life. Funny right. But, no, I am not joking. I have truly loved only once in my life. The rest what I have done is crave for love, support, understanding and at the very same time, attention, which I have been deprived of since my childhood.
Well I am not gonna stretch it that long to tell you all about my whole 20 years. But yes, I will tell you surely about the time from when I realised what love is.
I fell in love when I was a minor, but, unfortunately I wasn’t lucky enough like the most of you to get loved by the love of my life. So I was deprived of that happiness. But, as you cannot compell anybody to love you, I was left with the only choice to move on, which I do not believe that I have even yet. But some of my friends that are close to me held me and helped me get through. It didn’t took me days, weeks, or months, but, it took me years to get through. But, when I finally did, I realised that moving on isn’t something about forgetting, rather it is actually about learning how to live with the emptiness. Once I realised that, I started craving for love and attention as I never got either from my life.
I am not saying that “why me?” but still, what I have been through, has even crossed descriptions now. So, I started craving. And everytime someone held my hand to make it a bit easier to survive, I went all into it and tried to hold that person too close that eventually made them suffocate from me and finally leave me.
That was the time when music, lyrics, and poetry became my escape from the world. And since I was able to escape every time I faced something like this, I never changed and kept going the same old way.
But recently, a similar accident, or event taught me the greatest lesson of my life. This time when I held someone too close, the other one replied too with the same affection, and I cannot tell you that how happy it made me, knowing that there still is someone for me. But soon my happiness was led to dust when the same thing as always happened and that person left me , “In A Flash”. But soon after that person left, I realised that this time, the damage is much more severe and that that person has took my escape with me.
And so, today, I lost my escape too. And so, I have lost everything, including the last, “My Escape”. I guess, I never will be able to love anyone ever again.